Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Playing Catch-Up!

I haven't posted in awhile, so here are some random tidbits from the last week or so. Last weekend was my Uncle Ralph's 80th birthday!!! So a whole bunch of family got together for a surprise dinner...he had no idea :) This is him with my Aunt Clara. He was married to her sister who passed away not too long ago, she would have been 92 this year :( They were married about 60 years! I can't even begin to conceive that, Brad and I just wrapped up our first 3 months of marriage and it feels like it's been forever!

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Aunt Clara & Uncle Ralph at Don Pedro's in San Antonio, Tx


So, about 3 weeks ago I decided I wanted red hair...like crayon red. It ended up coming out darker than I had wanted and it was starting to fade out already, so I decided to give it another try. This time I got one of the hardcore hair dyes (the ones that come in purple, blue, lime green & other outrageous colors) where you bleach your hair first, then dye it. Well I didn't bleach my hair all the way so that it wouldn't be too crazy...I figured it would come out a little darker. Well somehow it ended up being HOT PINK! I did not want to leave the apartment. Luckily, I had a random box of "Natural Red" (ginger red) so I through that in and it toned it down a bit. So now it looks like this!

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Yes, it's really THAT red. I really like it though!


I also started back to work last Tuesday and found a little friend hanging out in the Water Street hut. He was there again this week and I was super excited. He looks like a little baby dinosaur! Just look at the little guy...

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I named him "Baby T"...like T-Rex *heart*

Aside from all the fun stuff that's been going on lately I'm also planning a baby shower for one of my very best friend's, Cassie. It'll be sometime around October/November. I've already found the cutest invitations that perfectly match the baby room decor she wants! Now we just have to find out the gender! Here are the invitations I'm looking at...

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If it's a GIRL!

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If it's a BOY!

If you have any ideas for fun baby shower games, etc. let me know!





Saturday, June 12, 2010

A Piece Is Gone

I never understood why people got so depressed over miscarriages. I guess I just always assumed it was something that should be easy since you haven't seen or held the child, but now I know better. Once you find out there's another life inside of you it changes you forever. To have that taken away, no matter how far along you are, is just terrible. For me it happened in the middle of my ninth week. It's an unexplainable feeling of loss. I've lost so many loved ones in my short life, but this surpasses them all. I suppose it's knowing that there's absolutely nothing you could have done to change the outcome. It's completely out of your hands.

I recently received a message from a friend who was trying to help me find some comfort. It was absolutely beautiful. I've received many messages and well wishes over the past couple of months, but this one was just different for some reason. She too has experienced the pain of miscarriage and after describing an intimate, unexpected encounter with God she went on to write...

"It hit me so hard that our God is an awesome God and that I need to praise him even in this storm. I know that He has plans for me and my life...and for our future children. Believe me, this is not my natural reaction to hard things/times, but it was a changing and softening of my heart and a complete understanding that He loves us and doesn't want us to be in pain. It was such a defining moment for me in my life, and I look back in awe."

She went on to say that after much prayer she did finally get pregnant and now has a healthy, beautiful little girl. She continued...

"Not a day goes by that I don't thank God for this gift and also ask Him for another day with her, because I know she isn't mine, but His."

I've heard it over and over again...that everything comes from Him, therefore everything belongs to him and everything is taken in His time. I just never understood it until now. I want to thank her for her beautiful words, because I truly believe this has been one of the biggest steps toward my healing.

So, for now, all I can do is lift my eyes to the Healer of the hurt I feel inside. I will continue to pray for healing and understanding...although I know I will probably never understand. I know all things are done in His timing and according to His will.

Friday, June 11, 2010

Maker, Calmer, Healer, God.

Oh, how I love Bebo! His voice and his words are always comfort to my soul. For the past couple days I've had I Will Lift My Eyes on repeat. It's perfect...it's absolutely perfect. It completely describes the cries of my heart over the past couple of months and I believe it's another step in my healing. For those of you who aren't familiar with the tune, here it is in a nutshell.

God, my God, I cry out "Your beloved needs You now!" God, be near, calm my fear and take my doubt. Your kindness is what pulls me up. Your love is all that draws me in. I will lift my eyes to the Maker of the mountains I can't climb. I will lift my eyes to the Calmer of the oceans raging wild. I will lift my eyes to the Healer of the hurt I hold inside. I will lift my eye, lift my eyes to You. God, my God, let mercy sing her melody over me. God, right here all I bring is all of me. 'Cause you are and You were and You will be forever the Lover I need to save me. 'Cause You fashioned the earth and You hold it together, God so hold me now.

It's literally perfect and so very beautiful. Thank You Lord for the simple ways you bring me comfort every day.



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Yeah, he's pretty foxy too.

Light in my Life

After a very long, scary road we've finally found out whether I have cancer or not...and the answer is NO! I haven't really talked about the situation too much, so here it is for anyone who was wondering.

On April 7, 2010 we found out I was 7 weeks pregnant...we were terrified. After stressing to our wits end we finally came to peace with the situation and actually got very excited. We started looking around at baby items and discussing names; we never could have imagined what was coming.

Just a couple short weeks later I started experiencing pain and bleeding which I knew was not normal, so we took a trip to the emergency room. After a ton of blood work and an ultrasound the doctor still couldn't confirm or deny a miscarriage, but that wasn't the only thing concerning him. It turned out that the radiologist had discovered a very large cystic tumor in/on my uterus (it was uncertain at the time). I was ordered to pelvic rest and put on medical leave from work.

After almost 5 weeks of medication and another ultrasound later it was decided that I would have surgery by the week's end. On May 28, 2010 I went in for what was supposed to be a quick outpatient surgery. It was only supposed to last about 45 minutes, but turned into a little over 2 hours. From what I hear all was going well with my surgery, but then I began to aspirate out of nowhere. So they had to stop what they were doing and get the new situation taken care of before they could finish up. They moved me from the operating room to recovery where they brought me out of anesthesia...it was then that I began to have a reaction to it. I ended up having a seizure as I was coming out of it and from what I understand it lasted a little over 5 minutes. It was pretty scary, I was awake for a few minutes of it and that was enough to make me want to never go through anything like that again. Once I was stable they put me back in outpatient and doped me up on pain killers. After about an hour or so the doctor decided to go ahead and admit me for at least the night; which turned out to be a good thing, because I had been so nauseous and was having unbearable pain. I was released the next day around noon shortly after my lovely friend Laura arrived.

Let me take a minute to talk about Laura. Friday morning, for some reason, I had an overwhelming urge to see her, but I figured I was just being emotional so I didn't say anything. Well I called her that night to give her an update and she asked if I wanted her to come...of course I said yes because of what I had felt early that morning. The next morning she made the 2 1/2 hour drive to see me and ended up staying through Monday afternoon. She is, by far, one of the most amazing people I have ever known and definitely one of the biggest lights in my life. Instead of going out and having fun on her weekend off she chose to help my mom take care of me. She cooked, she cleaned....she colored princesses with me. I couldn't have asked for more.

Speaking of the lights in my life, the 2 brightest have to be my beautiful mom and my amazing husband. I can't begin to praise God enough for the amazing gifts He's given me through them. If not for my mom there is no way Bradley and I would have been able to make it through these past couple of months. She's helped us financially since I've been unable to work. She's taken time off work to be able to go with me to my doctor's appointments. More than anything she's been there for me emotionally. I feel so much closer to her after this whole ordeal then I ever have in my life.

My husband has been a trooper through all of this as well. He doesn't like to talk about it much, because he doesn't like to think of me being in pain. Even though we were both distraught over the miscarriage he still managed to put me first and make sure my every need was met. I honestly don't know how he did it. There were days when I just didn't want to get out of bed, days when I couldn't stop crying and days when I didn't even want to talk to him. Yet he stood faithfully by my side. On the day of my surgery he was going to stay in Corpus and go to work since my mom would be with me at the hospital. However, at the last minute before my surgery I completely broke down and my mom wasn't enough...I wanted my husband. I was crying hysterically when I called him and somehow between the wheezing, sniffling and squealing he understood that I needed him there. He called into work and headed straight over. I honestly think that was the happiest he has ever made me.

It's been a very long road to recovery. I can walk again and will never take it for granted again. Physically I'm feeling so much better, but emotionally I'm still healing.


Thursday, June 10, 2010

Well here goes nothing!

It's been a verrry long time since I've kept up with a blog...like back when Xanga was cool. I guess I'm ready to give it another try? I'm gonna apologize ahead of time for my first few entries since they're probably going to be a little awkward until I get the hang of this.